tomcats-and-tophats:

Having an argument on tumblr is like being in the garden.

I’m doing some weeding when I see a guy walk by with his dog. He stops and lets his dog poop in my roses.

I say “hey dude, sorry, could you not let your dog poop in my roses? Or at least clean it up?”

A different dude walking HIS dog on the other side of the street, in the opposite direction, hears this and stops. Despite having a clear line of sight to the first guy’s pooping dog, he gets offended and begins yelling back at me,

“Wow, I can’t believe you think that just because I’m walking a dog I can’t take care of it. Not all dog owners are irresponsible!”

The lady watering her petunias in the house behind him hears this and nods in agreement, saying, “People these days are so quick to judge, why doesn’t anyone know how to mind their own business?”

Guy number one’s dog is still pooping. He’s on his phone, oblivious to everything else. Everyone can still see his pooping dog.

“Sorry for the confusion, but-“ I start, but guy 2 is talking again, just to say,

“You know I bet you don’t even like dogs, that’s why you’re being such an asshole!”

My dog, sitting on the porch, has her ears perked up wondering what all the loud noises are about, but she mostly just wants to play with the other dog when he’s done his endless metaphor poop.

I try to point her out but some other neighbor suddenly pops out their window. Aghast, they shout, “what’s this I’m hearing about HATING DOGS?”

It continues like that. I can’t get a word in. Guy #1s dog finally finishes up and they just leave. The other three people stand around agreeing with each other. There is still poop in my roses.

The next day I put up a “please pick up after your dog” sign in my garden. Then the neighbourhood kids run by, and as they do I hear one of them hiss, “I can’t believe op is a dogphobe.”