Why the High Holy Days can be difficult for people with trauma

convervative:

jewish-education:

This is from my understanding as a layperson (not a rabbi or a mental health professional) based on knowing people. For context, it was inspired by this lovely post that all y’all should read if you are or know someone healing from trauma. Feel free to add to or critique what I say here.

1.) Memory is painful:

This is a season of remembrance and reflection, and for folks who have experienced a trauma, memory can be painful. Thinking about the past or even just being exposed to a tiny trigger of a situation (i.e. scent of an abuser’s cologne) can set an anxiety attack or flashback into motion.

2.) Feelings of guilt over the trauma: 

A lot of folks who’ve experienced trauma, especially interpersonal (i.e. rape, abusive relationship) get blamed for the event(s) even though it wasn’t their fault. When we talk about taking responsibility for our actions in this season, it can be tough for this lingering doubt of responsibility not to resurface. 

3.) What doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger:

The effects of trauma can stop someone from being the person they’d like to be. Maybe they have become emotionally distant so they can’t be as supportive of friends and loved ones as they’d like to be. Or perhaps they’ve become more snappy, or lash out at others when they’re upset. In that case, they do need to work on these issues, but it’s more complex of a process than conversations about teshuva typically acknowledge. 

Because pain from the trauma is the cause of their chet (sin/misstep), healing from the trauma and finding healthier ways to cope are what will make them a better person, not blood, sweat and tears of trying to forge through and just “be better.” Their teshuva must include patience and come from a place of self-compassion over self-blame. This perspective can be beneficial for everyone but is especially necessary in their cases.

Resources for those who have experienced trauma and for understanding your loved one who’s experienced trauma:

• Basics of trauma and PTSD (My Jewish Learning)
• Advice for people with trauma or PTSD; Advice for how to help a loved one with trauma or PTSD (My Jewish Learning)
• Reform Perspective on Mental Illness and Yom Kippur

  (Coffee Shop Rabbi) Also see her Teshuva 101

• Chabad/Orthodox: A Torah Approach to Anxiety (Chabad’s The Jewish Woman)

this. i actually had a really hard time at the tisha b’av service, during the book of lamentations, even though its not about personal suffering, its hard to read through this big slog of trauma and pain and torture and not think about the times you were tortured personally ykwim. sometimes the themes can suck and be hard. yom kippur is coming up, that shit is f u k k i n hard. its ok. ur all gr8. everyones gr8. good boops. that is all.