Straight women hurt bi women through homophobia, men hurt bi women through homophobia and misogyny, acting like bi women form a coherent and inherently benevolent allegiance with straight women by virtue of a nebulous idea of “relationship to men” is absolutely absurd and serves to do little other than continue to minimize the complexities in our experiences with both homophobia (from men and women) and misogyny
The idea that bi people can somehow “blend in” with straight people is absurd. We are not straight, and straight people will simply never be able to understand us, which means they’ll never be truly free of bi/homophobia towards us. The only way we can align ourselves with straight people is by closeting ourselves and habitully denying who we are, and that doesn’t make the homophobia go away. It simply masks our pain.
I can’t turn off being bi. I can’t turn off the hurt and fear I feel when the straight women I work with call people f*ggots, letting me and everyone else know that anyone who isn’t hetero isn’t welcome around them. I can’t be the Good Christian Heterosexual Woman my abusive straight mother wanted me to be. When I dated straight men after I was out, I had to deal with them being extra possessive of me because I was the double threat of both a woman and a woman who wasn’t exclusively attracted to men.
We can pretend, we can “appear straight” to outsiders by dating people of a different gender presentation, but that doesn’t change the fact that who we are is still in a marginalized class that bigots can still use to oppress us.
Tag: biphobia
Opinion that is likely to get me crucified by randos:
I am even less convinced than I ever was that “butch is for lesbians only because bi women are safer” looking at the particular brand of hate Emma González is getting from the right.
Are they calling her a gross bisexual? No, they’re calling her shit like “skinhead lesbian” and “brown bald lesbian girl.”
If you are visibly gnc, bisexuality does not protect you. “Lesbian” is the thing you did wrong, so “lesbian,” used as an insult, is close enough.
The people who hate you read you as “butch dyke” not as “ugly lib but I can’t pierce the infinitely charged Bi Shield. CURSES, FOILED AGAIN!”
There is no But I Touch Dicks counterspell.
To our enemies, we are the same.
Hey quick little exercise here. When a girl comes to you all like,
“I’m sexually attracted to women but I don’t know if I could date one, what does that mean?”
The correct response is,
“Lots of wlw start off being unable to see themselves dating women due to fear of repercussion and social conditioning. Here are some people with similar experiences you can talk to/resources on the issue/stuff to read. It is scary but letting yourself love women is freeing and nurturing, good luck.”
The absolutely INCORRECT response is to call them a cheating bicurious bitch who just wants to screw with women and laugh about it later with her hundreds of boyfriends 😀
Glad we’ve straightened that out and I’ll never ever have to see that shit again!
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