we talk a lot about how cis lesbians dont wanna date trans girls but why dont we unpack how yall cis gays wouldnt even be caught in a mile radius near a trans dude
lets revisit this ladies
yes, let’s talk about this because i’m sick of cis gay dudes asking my boyfriend if he minds or say he’s only okay with it cause he’s bi. i’m sick of them saying shit like “i’d never be able to do that to myself” and “even if he’s a boy he has, you know…girl parts…” or whatever. not to mention the amount of gay dudes who hit on me when i was passing only to find out i’m trans and laugh it off like they were joking or, worse, react with utter disgust. cis gays are just as capable of being transphobic as cis lesbians and the fact that people are only calling out women is kind of telling. a lot of gay men won’t even entertain the possibility of dating a trans man and their “reasons” are just excuses wrapped up in transphobia and, at times, misogyny. the community gives cis gay men a lot of free passes for their bigotry and i’m sick of it. we should really talk about this.
send me an unpopular opinion. i can only post it. not say anything
I’m curious what anon would consider to be a tangible difference between a lesbian and a bi woman that could, hypothetically, make someone want to only date one or the other without being either lesbophobic or biphobic.
Nah, fuck off. Ace people aren’t responsible for this.
The responsibility lies with:
1. Corporations, massively. The price for having Citibank as a sponsor of your pride parade is that things are going to happen according to Citibank’s Friendly Community Standards (whether this is an explicit demand or not). They’re going to field a big group of marchers celebrating rainbows and the word “pride,” but no elements of sexuality or rebellion. And they’re going to put pressure–implicit or explicit–on the other groups in the parade to not do anything too wild under Citibank’s auspices.
Or they’re just going to stuff the parade with their groups–maybe Citibank on its own can’t change the whole parade, but when you’ve got Citibank andUS Bank and Staples and Target all fielding groups that make up 90% of the parade by mass, that sort of sets a tone. And that tone is “some queer people on their Best Behavior because HR is watching, some random vaguely-liberal corporate employees who wanted to be in a parade, and the biggest and most expensive displays seem to be celebrating the meteorological phenomenon of rainbows.”
2. To a much smaller extent, well-meaning handwringing over inclusiveness, but in a way that’s mostly not perpetrated by or for ace people. There’s a much more general problem in social justice circles where being more concerned and more aware is always better, and this can be best performed by criticizing everything to death. Which has its role and I’m not advocating for being unconcerned and unaware, but… we’re lacking in processes for recognizing when excessive restraint is also problematic, even though it is.
The difference between “fine, be gay, but don’t shove it down my throat” and “PDA and nudity at Pride is problematic in the glorification of conventional body standards, exposure to minors, the historical association of homosexuality and predatory hypersexuality, erasure of the dangers of HIV/STIs and sexual assault, and alienation of people who are sex-repulsed or anxious about sex for various reasons” is–well, it’s a lot, but you sort of end up in the same place, don’t you?
Some of those reasons are actually very good, but sometimes good isn’t good enough. They have to be good in a way that outweighs the harm done by desexualizing Pride, and I’m not convinced that they are. Or at least I think people should put more thought into explicitly making compromises between competing needs, rather than always erring on the side of offending nobody by doing nothing.
(related: my frustration with Tumblr for picking queer media and creators to death while giving a free pass to much worse straight people, and maybe nothing that’s said is wrong per se, but… the overall effect is a discourse that’s mostly about how awful various queer things are, and if I wanted that I could get it from Mike Pence)
I’ve written more paragraphs on this, mostly because it’s complicated and I don’t want to totally dismiss the relevant concerns, but don’t forget it’s like 10% of the problem. The Citibank Family Friendly Rainbow Fest is 90%.
Inclusionism/Exclusionism is largely not a thing in the community except on the internet. I volunteer at an LGBTQ+ community center and most people are simply unfamiliar with ace people and are like “oh okay” when I explain. It makes zero sense to me considering how small of a minority the ace community is that they’d have such an influence on Pride. I agree with the OP that the above mentioned factors are more prevalent. I’d include respectability politics (as in, ‘I’m LGBTQ+ but I hate x group of LGBTQ+ people at Pride becaues they take it too far") and also people who hate kink and think those who practice it should disappear from the public eye as other factors.
ableism and lack of accessibility and resources for disabled lgbt people
the phenomenon of homonationalism, what it looks like, what it entails
the commoditization of pride and its entrance into the neoliberal mainstream
youth homelessness
abuse, sexual violence, domestic violence, both at the hands of straight people and within gay relationships
normalization of age gaps and power imbalances (e.g. the coercion of young lgbt people to pursue older people because of social alienation from peers their age)
lack of support for lgbt survivors who speak out about being battered/abused/etc by someone else who is lgbt
serophobia within the community toward ANYONE who is HIV+, which includes cishet sex workers / cishet poc / etc + general elitism and aversion toward people who have STI’s
lack of sexual education
stigma toward addicted and alcoholic people
mental illness and mental health issues in general
what lgbt people on here instead discourse about:
ace discourse
who “gets” to reclaim a slur
who is “allowed” to use a word/term
“this word/experience is x-specific or x-exclusive and if you relate you’re x-phobic”
@stillrunmp3 Yes, I too am a white person from New York, like you, who rolls my eyes at the fact that white LGBT gentiles are joining neo-n*zi and white nationalist movements. I roll my eyes at white western gay couples participating in the exploitation enacted by the surrogacy industry against the bodies of women from the Global South. I roll my eyes at white LGBT people advocating for invading and imperializing West Asian countries because of the homophobia/transphobia that West Asian LGBT people face. I roll my eyes at white same-gender couples abusing the children of color that they adopt. I roll my eyes at white LGBT people naming organizations after Stonewall while also calling the cops on Black Lives Matter protestors and queer/trans Indigenous organizations. I roll my eyes when rainbow cop cars and brands advertising at pride are seen as signs of progress.
And I’m sure you know what homonationalism actually means or who coined the term and I’m definitely sure you’ve read the book that popularized the framework.
I’m going to reply to this one, so that astromousike gets a notification, but I have two anons about this too:
im curious – why is monosexual bad? i thought it was used by bi/pan/poly people to describe homo/hetero people and that it literally means sexualities that are only attracted to one gender? is this bad????
and
What is monosexual and what’s wrong with the word?
You are correct in that “monosexual” does literally mean “person who is only attracted to one gender.” The problem with the term and especially with “monosexualism” is that it implies that gay men and lesbians are privileged on the basis of their sexualities, when they are not. It homogenizes biphobia from gay men and lesbians with biphobia from heterosexuals and treats it all as downward aggression, when really biphobia from gay men and lesbians is lateral aggression, and, like most forms of lateral aggression, it goes both ways.
“Monosexism” as a term does nothing that “biphobia” does not, and “gay and lesbian monosexuals” is an absolutely revolting term that 100% of the time could have been replaced with “gay men and lesbians” without any loss of meaning. Frankly, I’m skeptical that much good will ever come from discussions that homogenize lateral aggression and downward aggression, but for the rare occasions when some good might come from it, there is nothing wrong with calling people “homosexuals and heterosexuals,” or even “people who are not bisexual.” (The latter phrase, despite what some people will claim, does not remotely have the same implication as “people who are not trans,” for example. “People who are not trans,” is a less-than-ideal phrase because it’s only necessary because cis-ness is normalized to the point where most people don’t even know the word for it. Monosexuality is not normalized to that point. Heterosexuality is. The moment that you forget that, your queer politics turn to shit. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.)
Additionally, by referring to people as “gay and lesbians monosexuals” rather than “gay men and lesbians,” you are prioritizing their monosexuality over their actual identities. You are going out of their way to group them in with heterosexuals in order to paint them as oppressors, when really you could have made the same point if you’d just said “gay men and lesbians” but that would have required acknowledging that they are just as oppressed as you are. It’s all part of this bullshit ~queerer than thou~ thing that polysexual tumblr has going on, where we keep seeing ridiculous claims like “homosexuality is heteronormative,” and other bullshit that’s really transparently homophobic and does nothing to actually liberate anyone, but it does help certain popular bloggers score points and followers for ~calling out the evil gay oppressors~.
Yes, lesbian and gay tumblr does its own version of this, where they talk about “straight passing privilege” as if that’s a constant thing that can be quantified or divided up among sexuality lines. (There are bisexuals who will never pass as cishet. There are lesbians who easily can in most social situations.) It’s also based on the idea that heteronormativity is a privileged which is ridiculous. That’s also wrong.
Speaking of lesbians, though, we really need to acknowledge that androsexuality is compulsory for all women in a misogynist society, and while certainly women of all sexualities can be hurt by this, claims that it does not hit lesbians in a unique and brutal way are ridiculous. Lesbians are oppressed for their monosexuality. You cannot separate a lesbian woman’s monosexuality from her oppression. Claiming that she’s privileged for her monosexuality or that it is in any way fair to lump her monosexuality in with a straight man’s, or indeed even a straight woman’s or a gay man’s, is ridiculous.
Basically, both sides of queer tumblr needs to get its shit together, and a big part of this is killing terms like “monosexism” and “straight-passing privilege” dead so that we can have an actual dialogue where we listen to each other as two groups who are equally oppressed in different ways and who both sometimes hurt each other in entirely avoidable ways. Only then can we actually heal together and go back to putting our energy toward destroying the heterosexist patriarchy.
Proponents of the terms “monosexualism” and “monosexuals” don’t actually want a dialogue. They want a one-sided conversation where gay men and lesbians accept all of the blame and have to do all of the work toward fixing the rift between our communities. Proponents of the term “straight-passing privilege” one the same thing, just the other way around. Both of them are wrong.
so this goes for allosexual too, with additional caveats about the implication that non-asexual people are always ready for sex, always want sex, always enjoy sex, &c.
it’s sloppy and manipulative bs
I mean I don’t really want to “kill dead” the term “straight-passing privilege.” I agree that it should not be used to suggest it’s an inherent part of being bisexual, or that all bisexual people possess it, which I’ve seen in the gay and lesbian communities online. That needs to stop. But we can’t even use it for bi people who are in long-term relationships or marriages with people of the opposite-sex? Who make up a really disproportionate number of vocal “bisexual activists” online, in a way that has a negative effect on the bi community and gives others the impression that biphobia is only about your internal identity struggle and fights online… because that’s all it is for some of these people? I feel like both gay and lesbian people and bisexuals who do not pass for straight should have a way of talking about the ways in which these people do not represent us.
Honestly, the way the LGB community approaches “passing privilege” from both ends is puzzling to me, especially when you compare it to other groups. IME, people seem a lot more comfortable talking about “passing privilege” with regard to race, trans people, disability, etc. and while there are exceptions and issues within those groups of the word being misused, people can use the term and also make it clear that they recognize the “passing” person is not actually a part of the oppressive majority, and therefore doesn’t have identical experiences to a person who is actually white or cis or non-disabled. Bisexuals who “pass” would not have the same reaction to for example, a lot of the homophobia from straight people they’d be more likely to overhear due to those straight people’s perception that they’re One of Them. The fact that a lot of het-partnered bi people resent the fact that they “pass” and try to counteract it, is evidence enough that it doesn’t make them “basically straight.”
That being said, it seems bonkers to me to deny that there are enormous privileges to being in an opposite-sex relationship regardless of how you identify. You can be legally married just about anywhere in the world. You don’t have to dodge how you talk about your partner to coworkers to avoid being fired from your job. You can express your affection to your partner in public without worrying about strangers violently retaliating. And so on and so forth. And I think some of the cringey discourse that’s emerged in the LGBT communities online, and how it seems to be uniquely frustrating for gay men and lesbians, is a result of people who don’t experience any of those more concrete, systematic forms of homophobia leading the discourse.
I think identifying it as a form of privilege means we can also talk about how and why these people have such disproportionate representation in online “queer” communities and bisexual movements…. and how to fix that. In a similar way that disability communities have started doing with the fact that white, middle-to-upper-class people with degrees who are able to hold down a job are way overrepresented compared to people who are not or not able to be any of those things. (And how that contributes to cringey ideas online like that verbal autistic people’s main struggle is that we can’t get laid, etc.)
I think what we need to “kill dead” is the implication in “straight-passing privilege” that bisexuals who “pass” don’t struggle in their own way. They do, they have their own experiences that should be discussed in these communities. But the fact that so many people have the impression that those are the only problems bisexuals face is a problem, and something we can’t address if we don’t have terms that talk about “passing.”
listen, i’m not a fan of pda either (it just makes me uncomfortable), but if you’re actually going to complain about pda (specifically GAY pda) at pride, then don’t go to pride. lgbt+ people have fought long and hard for their right to love, and it is no one’s place to tell us that we can’t express that love at the biggest lgbt+ event of the year
The thing is–people aren’t complaining about just “pda”–I saw the posts exclusionists were referring to. People were complaining about excessive pda, more specific than that, strangers making out/“sucking face” very very very close to them. Most people even said “making out so close that I am a part of the kissing against my will” or some variation on that.
No one is saying “NO PDA AT PRIDE!!” people are saying “Just respect my personal boundaries”. Every single person was encouraging PDA, but qualifying it by saying “keep it respectable for a public event”.
I cannot stress enough the fact that literally no one was saying “no PDA at pride”–let alone complaining “specifically about gay pda”. They were complaining about uncomfortable amounts of PDA at pride, specifically “sucking face on top of me” and not a single person said or even implied that only gay pda made them uncomfortable.
We can’t buy into their disingenuous bullshit guys. Exclusionists are intentionally misconstruing what people are saying to get an emotional response from you. It shouldn’t be working.
Or we can make Pride the one event in the year in which LGBTQIA+ people don’t have to suppress ourselves or conform to respectability politics?
There’s people telling us we can’t be ourselves every day of the year and yes, that includes sexuality.
There’s been weird shit going on at Pride since before you and I were even born. If you’re uncomfortable with weird shit at Pride then don’t go to Pride. Nobody is demanding that you hand in your LGBTQIA+ card if Pride makes you uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable with some things at Pride myself and I’ve been going since before I was in grade school.
I know you see a distinction between your own POV and the one you’re decrying but there honestly is less of one than you think. To use an analogy, @legsdemandias, suppose an anti were tell you that you should “keep your fic respectful for a public website.” Said anti can argue all day that their meaning of respectful isn’t hurting anyone because they know the boundary between respectful and disrespectful and no decent person would be caught in that boundary. But this isn’t adequately communicated just by the loaded term “respectful” and the anti is still trying to set a boundary that will hurt people that aren’t doing anything wrong besides being different from other people.
Idk why y’all are like this but I’m pretty sure y’all could drown in a puddle of water considering your inability to wrap to understand anything that isn’t meticulously explained word for word and claim that’s the only thing anyone is saying and I seriously can’t help you. Nuance? i don’t know her.
Whatever. It’d be cool if everyone could be welcomed to pride–or at least people would realize that it’s a public event and that it costs zero dollars to consider ur surroundings before doing something and how considering surroundings =/= DON’T DO IT EVER!!! EVIL!! BAD!!!!!!! KISSING IS BAD!!! That’s all people are asking and apparently that’s too fucking hard.
Why not you google image search, “couple at pride” or “leather at pride” or “dykes on bikes” or some other Pride-related terms, see the number of people who are both A) having a lot of fun being themselves and B) having fun in a way that personally doesn’t appeal to you, and just…leave them alone and keep not going to Pride (which you’re already not doing according to your tags)? Right now, you’re hurting a large portion of the community with Bush-era homophobia and people have a right to tell you that they wish you would stop.
listen, i’m not a fan of pda either (it just makes me uncomfortable), but if you’re actually going to complain about pda (specifically GAY pda) at pride, then don’t go to pride. lgbt+ people have fought long and hard for their right to love, and it is no one’s place to tell us that we can’t express that love at the biggest lgbt+ event of the year
The thing is–people aren’t complaining about just “pda”–I saw the posts exclusionists were referring to. People were complaining about excessive pda, more specific than that, strangers making out/“sucking face” very very very close to them. Most people even said “making out so close that I am a part of the kissing against my will” or some variation on that.
No one is saying “NO PDA AT PRIDE!!” people are saying “Just respect my personal boundaries”. Every single person was encouraging PDA, but qualifying it by saying “keep it respectable for a public event”.
I cannot stress enough the fact that literally no one was saying “no PDA at pride”–let alone complaining “specifically about gay pda”. They were complaining about uncomfortable amounts of PDA at pride, specifically “sucking face on top of me” and not a single person said or even implied that only gay pda made them uncomfortable.
We can’t buy into their disingenuous bullshit guys. Exclusionists are intentionally misconstruing what people are saying to get an emotional response from you. It shouldn’t be working.
Or we can make Pride the one event in the year in which LGBTQIA+ people don’t have to suppress ourselves or conform to respectability politics?
There’s people telling us we can’t be ourselves every day of the year and yes, that includes sexuality.
There’s been weird shit going on at Pride since before you and I were even born. If you’re uncomfortable with weird shit at Pride then don’t go to Pride. Nobody is demanding that you hand in your LGBTQIA+ card if Pride makes you uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable with some things at Pride myself and I’ve been going since before I was in grade school.
I know you see a distinction between your own POV and the one you’re decrying but there honestly is less of one than you think. To use an analogy, @legsdemandias, suppose an anti were tell you that you should “keep your fic respectful for a public website.” Said anti can argue all day that their meaning of respectful isn’t hurting anyone because they know the boundary between respectful and disrespectful and no decent person would be caught in that boundary. But this isn’t adequately communicated just by the loaded term “respectful” and the anti is still trying to set a boundary that will hurt people that aren’t doing anything wrong besides being different from other people.
Jews who engage in respectability politics are so fucking tiring. If you see other Jews reacting to antisemitism and your immediate reaction is, “they’re being overdramatic, they’re being mean, they’re being harsh” then you have got more work to do internally. You can disagree with how other Jews handle situations – believe me, there have been plenty of interactions I’ve had where, looking back, I wish I had done it differently – but it’s not your right to judge whether or not they had a right to respond that way. This respectability politics is entirely based on the idea that these oppressive systems are actually just a series of “kind of bad” interpersonal interactions, when in reality they are pervasive, coercive, and dehumanizing systems. Intention =/= impact.
I notice this especially with Jews who grew up in urban/suburban enclaves with large Jewish populations versus those of us who grew up amongst gentiles. It’s a lot easier to overlook or excuse microaggressions when you haven’t been personally forced to contend with them on hostile territory your whole life.
Hey I get that compulsive heterosexuality is a thing and all but can we maybe stop trying to convince bi girls that they aren’t actually attracted to guys….I mean can we get rid of the idea that a bi girl who lusts after men is somehow doing a great disservice to the wlw community or being disloyal to who she “really” is…compulsive heterosexuality is real but guess what bisexuality is too and it’s a very valid identity
You may be 98% sure she’s not really bi and you can still keep your damn mouth shut
Hell, you can be absolutely right, and in a year she’s gonna laugh and say ‘haha I thought I liked men, can you believe it?’ And you can still keep your damn mouth shut
Let every girl explore and discover her identity at her own pace in her own way.
Let every girl choose the labels that make her the happiest and most comfortable
I id’ed as pan ace for half a year before I started seeing myself as a lesbian. And honestly, had someone tried to chew me out for that or called it a phase I would’ve been crushed.
I can only imagine how much worse it feels for actual bi and pan girls
Let bi girls be bi girls and let girls-who-you’re-pretty-sure-are-not-actually-bi be bi girls because that’s their label to pick.
Stop using the word queer. As an identifier. As an “umbrella term”. As a fill-in for any LGBT person you come across. It is a slur. If you don’t find yourself uncomfortable with the word being used so flippantly, maybe consider why that is. We may be able to experience homophobia for our same-sex attraction, but we are not the primary targets of it.
Stop claiming bi-erasure when you won’t even call yourself bi. Pansexual, queer, wlw, polysexual… What’s wrong with the word bisexual? Why obscure a simple fact?
Along with that, stop calling definitive lesbians queer or wlw.
Stop pretending that our attraction to men is in any way marginalized. This is ridiculous. Go outside.
Recognize that “biphobia” is not a unique axis of oppression. It exists for bi women as the intersection of homophobia and misogyny, if it exists at all. There is no “systemic biphobia”; the oppression we may face is homophobia for our same-sex attraction compounded with misogyny for our femaleness.
Recognize that straight passing privilege is real.
Recognize that if you’re dating a boy, you’re in a straight relationship.
Stop implying gay people are wrong for not being attracted to both sexes. Cut it out with the “hearts not parts”.
Stop implying that everyone can/should be/is bisexual by insisting that “sexuality is fluid”.
Know when our voice is necessary in a discussion. Are there people more qualified to be speaking on the subject?
okay i like some of these but honestly why is it just for bi girls?? why are bi girls held at a higher standard that literally any other lgbt person within the community
Because bi women bring their straight boyfriends to LGBT spaces. Because no people talk about their straight relationships as if they are just as oppressed as everyone else. Biphobia is real but it’s because of the fact that many bi people act really straight. When you act straight and pass as straight can you see how people would say your relationship is straight. How easy it is for you to move between worlds and bring our operators into them. There are so many bi people who don’t get it and have no intention to. I will always be inclusive of bi people and recognize the unique problems they face. They have a place. They deserve respect. But your solutions to problems cannot be at the cost to the rest of the community.
If you have a straight partner you have to go to lgbt places alone. No support network for you.
So much privilege 🙃🙃🙃
Just as a friendly reminder to @ididntmakeitforyou, @identitypolitics, and anyone else listening, you aren’t actually being inclusive or supportive of bisexual people if you argue the points in the OP’s post.
Here’s why:
Actually, no. Honestly, I can’t. There’s so much wrong with the posts made above that this is going to have to be a laundry list of why you should never talk like this to people in your own community:
Telling people to stop using queer is offensive. Especially if you argue that doing so makes a bisexual person a homophobe.
Queer isn’t a slur. There’s nothing wrong with asking that someone not refer to you with that term, as is expected any time you tell us how you want to be addressed, but queer is absolutely an umbrella term for the community. The notion that queer is a slur that has to be banished from use in the community is something that really started in the TERF community and is a great example of authoritarian gatekeeping coming from other people in the LGBTQ+ community.
You shouldn’t be telling people how they’re allowed to identify. It’s none of your business.
Same goes for saying that lesbians can’t be referred to as queer or women who love women. Especially when there are queer lesbians that use the term wlw and queer to describe themselves.
Not all bisexual people are attracted to men. There are more than two genders.
Bisexual people suffer prejudice for being bisexual. That includes when a bisexual woman is in a relationship with a man, or when a bisexual man is in a relationship with a woman. We don’t experience misplaced homophobia, we have a different experience all together. Straight people act like we’re just pretending to be gay to feel special, while gay people accuse us of being self-hating gay people who enter into heterosexual relationships to escape oppression.
Straight passing privilege is a completely nonsense concept and has no bearing in discourse about queer issues. Trans women who pass for cis don’t get hated any less by the rest of the world. Bisexual men who are in relationships with women don’t magically stop being bisexual when someone talks about how terrible bisexual people are in front of them. The standard for judging whether or not you experience a type of oppression is your identity, not the way you choose to dress or the type of makeup you wear.
Bisexual people in a relationship with someone of a gender other than their own are still bisexual, it doesn’t magically make them straight. It’s not a straight relationship and it never will be, because it’s a bisexual person in a relationship. It’s not the relationship that’s straight or gay, it’s the people in the relationship.
Saying something along the lines of ‘hearts not parts’ has nothing to do with implying that gay people are wrong for not being attracted to someone. It’s a reference to the fact that people fall in love with other human beings, not genitals, and is frequently used to describe the underlying problem with transphobia in the LGBTQ+ community. If your sexuality means that you have relationships with women and you state that you can never be attracted to or have a relationship with trans women, all that says is that you feel that trans women aren’t actually women. That’s not sexuality, that’s just bigotry.
Sexuality is fluid for a fuck of a lot of people. I’m sure there are bisexual people who do act like assholes about it, but that’s not a common feature of the bisexual community.
The real cost to the community is when emotionally immature people try to exert control over other people in the community like authoritarian gatekeepers. Or, put more simply, all of these arguments are bunk. They’re reductive and invalid and in some cases utter nonsense.
Just as a quick summary:
Bisexual people can’t be in a straight relationship because they aren’t straight.
Relationships don’t work that way you corn dogs.
Bisexual people get treated like shit for being bisexual, not for being mistaken for gay.
There’s no such thing as passing privilege you absolute fritters.
All arguments that bisexual people act really straight are centered in bigotry against bisexual people.
Queer is not a slur just because TERFs want it to be one, you ding dongs.
Biphobia exists.
Internalized biphobia is a hell of a drug.
I honestly don’t mean to come across as hostile, I’m just very confused about what you mean by “queer is not a slur.” It’s a word used by people who are not in a marginalized group to denigrate people who are in one. That’s…how slurs work. It’s a slur that bi people (as members of the queer community) can reclaim and use for ourselves, and I think it’s wrong to tell someone who is a member of the community that they can’t reclaim it but it’s still used in a hurtful fashion by people who aren’t part of the community.
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