rapeculturerealities:

If you ever feel that nothing is changing for the better, sometimes it helps to look back and cringe at the way we treated Monica Lewinsky after her affair with Bill Clinton was revealed. Because the way she was treated is profoundly cringeworthy.

Bill Clinton was recently asked by Craig Melvin on NBC’s Today whether he felt he owed Monica an apology in light of the #MeToo movement. He replied:

“I apologized to everybody in the world.”

“But you didn’t apologize to her,” Melvin said.

“I have not talked to her,” Clinton said.

“Do you feel like you owe her an apology?” Melvin asked.

“No, I do — I do not.”

Here’s the thing about that, “everyone in the world” did not suffer the way Monica did when the affair between her and the then President came to light. Bill Clinton certainly didn’t suffer the way Monica did. In fact, sometimes it seems like pretty much everyone in the world owes Monica an apology.

No one thinks that Monica made a great choice when she slept with Bill Clinton. Sleeping with a married man is generally very stupid. But Monica was hardly the first 22-year-old to fall for her married boss. It’s estimated that 15 percent of women have slept with their boss. Which is certainly not a cause for celebration, but, well, Monica wasn’t married. It seems like if anyone should be publicly shamed in these situations, it’s the person who broke their marriage vows.

That was not the way it played out. Here’s a sampling of jokes made about Monica Lewinsky around that time:

From Jay Leno: “Monica Lewinsky has gained back all the weight she lost last year. I believe that’s the cover story in Newsweek. In fact, she told reporters she was even considering having her jaw wired shut, but then, nah—she didn’t want to give up her sex life.”

From Craig Kilborn: “Tonight I was switching back and forth between the new Monica Lewinsky show Mr. Personality on Fox and CSI: Miami on CBS, and I swear for a split-second I caught the world’s biggest chalk outline.”

From David Letterman: “Bush went to Wisconsin, to a Harley Davidson factory and rode a motorcycle. It’s the biggest thing a President has ridden since … I just can’t bring myself to throw that joke away.”

Those guys weren’t Internet trolls, who can be expected to make fun of women’s appearances because they’re horrible human beings. They were beloved, famous comedians.

I hope today it feels mystifying that numerous people heard the President had an affair and decided that the best possible way to respond was to make fun of the woman he had it with for being fat. But it wasn’t mystifying at the time. There’s a passage in Chuck Klosterman’s I Wear The Black Hat when he describes a friend’s reaction upon first hearing about Clinton’s affair. She stated, “I could almost understand if he had done it with Sharon Stone, but not with this fat pig.” That was a self-described feminist talking in 1998.

The things that we decided to mock Monica relentlessly for are, in fact, pretty common. At a size 12, Monica was below the size of an average American woman (which is a 16). She gave blowjobs? Well, so do 74 percent of women in their 20’s.

The aspects of her life Monica was mocked most for didn’t really have to do with the particulars of her affair—it had to do with the fact that she was a woman in the public eye who was both sexually active and not a size 2. One of these things, society seemed to have decided, might be acceptable. But not both. If a woman was both, she would be shamed for it on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, on Good Morning America, hosts were wondering, regarding Bill Clinton, whether there’s something “almost sexy about a man who can get away with things over and over again?” Bill Clinton left office with an approval rating of 65 percent, higher than any President since Truman.

Monica Lewinsky became suicidal following the media onslaught. No one would employ her. Charities didn’t want her to even volunteer.

Societally, we seemed to collectively decide that Bill Clinton should be offered a free pass to “get away with things” and his partner in the affair should, if not die, at least be made to disappear from society completely. Because she was slightly plump and gave blowjobs.

That is something that should inspire shame not in Monica, but in everyone who took part in the bullying of Monica Lewinsky.

Monica herself has moved on from it. She’s a dedicated anti-bullying activist, creating great PSAs about cyber bullying and working with groups like the Bystander Revolution. Her TED Talk on bullying is now taught in schools. She didn’t disappear, and thank goodness for that.

But while Bill Clinton owes her an apology—well, he’s not the only one.

We All Owe Monica Lewinsky an Apology